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Why Mindfulness Isn’t About Being Calm And Why That Matters for Treatment

Many people search for mindfulness hoping it will help them feel calm. But calmness is not the true purpose of mindfulness. At Innerspace Counseling, we teach mindfulness every day within our Intensive Outpatient & Partial Hospitalization Programs (IOP & PHP) across the General Mental Health Track, OCD and Anxiety Track, and Perinatal Wellness Program. And we consistently see the same misconception.

Most people have been taught mindfulness incorrectly.

Understanding what mindfulness really is can transform your progress in ERP, DBT, and ACT.

What is the biggest misconception about mindfulness?

One of the most common mistakes people make is assuming mindfulness means feeling calm, relaxed, or peaceful. Clients often tell us:

  • “Mindfulness means I need to calm down.”
  • “I should be quiet and peaceful.”
  • “If I’m anxious, I’m not being mindful.”

These beliefs come from confusing mindfulness with meditation or breathwork. While those practices can reduce stress, they are not the definition of mindfulness. This leads to the misleading idea that to be mindful, you must feel calm. This belief can stall progress in treatment and increase frustration during anxiety.

What does mindfulness actually mean?

Mindfulness has a simple and powerful meaning.

Mindfulness is being present in the moment without judgment.

It does not require you to:

  • Slow your breath
  • Feel peaceful
  • Think positive thoughts
  • Get rid of anxiety
  • Become quiet or still

You can be mindful even when you are:

  • Overwhelmed
  • Panicked
  • Irritated
  • Uncomfortable
  • Anxious

Mindfulness is awareness and NOT calmness, perfection, or the absence of emotion. When someone thinks they must calm down to be mindful, they often start judging their feelings. Judgment pulls them out of the present moment, which is the opposite of mindfulness.

Can you practice mindfulness when you feel anxious?

Yes. In fact, mindfulness during anxiety is one of the most effective ways to strengthen emotional coping, reduce avoidance, and improve long term regulation. Mindfulness allows you to notice what is happening inside your body and mind without trying to escape it. Instead of fighting anxiety, you learn to observe it with clarity. This makes anxiety less overwhelming and increases your ability to choose helpful responses. If you feel too anxious to be mindful, that is usually the moment when mindfulness matters most.

Why is mindfulness important for ERP, DBT, and ACT?

Mindfulness is a foundational skill in many evidence based treatments, especially for anxiety, OCD, emotional dysregulation, and stress. Here is how it supports each approach.

  1. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): ERP teaches you to face anxiety and obsessions without performing compulsions or avoidance. Mindfulness helps you stay aware during exposure instead of shutting down or trying to escape the discomfort.
  2. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT skills rely on noticing emotions, urges, and thoughts clearly. Mindfulness creates the pause needed before using skills like distress tolerance or emotion regulation.
  3. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT teaches acceptance of internal experiences and commitment to aligned actions. Mindfulness helps you acknowledge thoughts and feelings without getting pulled into them.

All three approaches share a common understanding. Mindfulness is most powerful when used during intense, messy, or uncomfortable emotional moments.

How does Innerspace Counseling teach mindfulness differently?

In our IOP & PHP services, we help clients relearn mindfulness so it supports healing rather than creating pressure. This includes teaching mindfulness:

  • During anxiety
  • In exposure exercises
  • During physical discomfort
  • As awareness, not calmness

When clients shift from “I must calm down” to “I can notice what I feel,” treatment becomes more effective. They stop judging their emotions and start building confidence in their ability to handle discomfort.

What is the best way to start practicing mindfulness for anxiety?

Begin with this simple foundation that mindfulness is presence without judgment even when you feel anything but calm.

If you practice this for even a few seconds at a time, you are already strengthening the skills needed for ERP, DBT, ACT, and long term emotional resilience.

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